Banquet

Leaving the two lords of the Yuan clan, Luan Yi walked over to Lu Zhi. Reaching him, he raised his cup in a toast, "Senior Minister, during our time in the prison last year, I learned a great deal from you. I am deeply grateful." Just as he was about to drink, Lu Zhi stopped him.

A sharp gleam flashed in Lu Zhi's eyes as he asked, "What is Ziqi drinking?"

Luan Yi felt a sudden flutter of panic, but forced himself to remain calm. "Wine, of course! Don't believe me? Have a sniff!"

Lu Zhi actually leaned in, took a sniff, and chuckled, "It really is wine! Since it's all wine, why don't we swap cups?" With the speed of lightning, he snatched the wine cup from Luan Yi's hand and splashed its contents onto the ground. Then, grabbing the wine jar from his own table, he filled a cup to the brim for Luan Yi and shoved it back into his hands. "Drink this one instead!"

"This..." Luan Yi cursed inwardly. Curse you, Lu Zhi. Couldn't you let me enter the bridal chamber with a clear head? But come to think of it, how did you figure out there was something fishy about the wine? By smelling it? Even a dog's nose isn't that sharp! Could it be... did he pull the exact same trick at his own wedding?

Before Luan Yi could figure out the reason, Lu Zhi smilingly provided the answer. He said in a low voice, "Ziqi, just now when I asked what you were drinking, before I even made a move, you proactively invited me to smell it. That action was far too much like trying to cover something up, which gave away the flaw and made me realize your wine must have been watered down."

"Even that works?" Luan Yi stared in a daze at the smiling Lu Zhi, cold sweat beading on his forehead. He sighed inwardly: Normally I pride myself on some wit and cleverness, but compared to true masters of the Han Dynasty, I am still far, far away! In the future, I must continue to diligently cultivate my character; otherwise, what qualifications do I have to carve out a place for myself in troubled times? "I have been instructed. I should punish myself with this cup!"

After draining the cup in one gulp, Luan Yi took the wine jar from Lu Zhi's table, poured another cup, and offered it respectfully. "Bottoms up!"

"Bottoms up!" As the fine nectar entered their bellies, the two burst into hearty laughter.

Luan Yi turned his cup upside down to show he had finished it clean, then said, "Please excuse me, I must go toast the other guests. Minister, please make yourself at home."

"Very well!"

Having toasted Lu Zhi, Luan Yi continued on his rounds, eventually reaching the tables of Yuan Shao and Cao Cao. He let out a long breath. "Oh mother of god! I'm stuffed!"

"Ziqi, hurry and sit down to have a bite!" Yuan Shao waved a hand, and immediately one of the ten guests at the large table vacated his seat, making room for Luan Yi. Not far away, the attendants managing the banquet were employees of the Rising Phoenix Pavilion—experienced and thoroughly trained. Seeing Luan Yi sit down, they immediately brought over a pair of bamboo chopsticks.

Luan Yi had barely eaten anything that morning, and now, having consumed a bellyful of wine on an empty stomach, he was already starved. He began to devour the food voraciously.

"Brother Ziqi!" Cao Cao exchanged a glance with Yuan Shao and spoke up, "Today you've married two such jade-like, peerless beauties—aren't you overjoyed?"

There it was! The excuse for another toast.

Without wasting words, Luan Yi swallowed the chicken in his mouth, picked up the wine cup he had been nursing all morning, and said, "My two elder brothers, I toast you both!"

"What? Given our friendship... you're drinking that?" Cao Cao wore a smug expression.

"Eh? What does elder brother mean?" Luan Yi kept his expression blank and his heart rate steady.

"You thought we didn't see what Lu Zigan did just now?" Cao Cao narrowed his eyes, holding back a laugh.

"Ah?" Luan Yi slumped, utterly defeated. "Fine! Today I shall accompany these gentlemen to the death!" With that, he beckoned an attendant to bring a fresh empty cup and new wine, pointed at the cup, and asked, "Is this acceptable?"

"Splendid!"

Three bronze tripods tapped together, emitting a crisp chime.

Luan Yi drank the strong liquor first, wiped the lingering droplets from his lips, and looked at the two men before him. It was almost laughable: today, Yuan Shao and Cao Cao were sitting at the same table with him, calling him brother and enjoying wine and laughter. Yet could they ever imagine that in the near future, they would stand in tripartite opposition in the northern Han against him—who based himself in Jinan—fighting tooth and nail for dominance over the Central Plains?

They certainly couldn't imagine it, while he... dared not even think about it. How fickle and unpredictable worldly affairs were!

"Ziqi!" Cao Cao wiped a droplet of wine from his beard and slowly began, "Come to think of it, our meeting was truly destined. Three years ago on that day, I had nothing to do and wondered what I should occupy myself with. After pondering for a long time, I decided to go to the banks of the Wei River to attend a poetry gathering, and it was there that I first laid eyes on Ziqi. Tell me, if I hadn't gone to the poetry gathering that day and instead gone elsewhere, wouldn't I have missed out on meeting Ziqi? Right, back then your appearance caused quite a sensation, and you were surrounded by crowds. It was thanks to Chunyu Zhongjian coming to the rescue that you escaped unscathed. Oh, and another thing—a while back when you were ambushed in prison, wasn't it also Chunyu Zhongjian who appeared to welcome you out? Reckoning it this way, Zhongjian shares quite a profound fate with you as well! How about the two of you share a cup?"

Just as Cao Cao finished speaking, Chunyu Qiong stood up holding his wine cup. "Chunyu Qiong pays his respects to Master Ziqi!"

"General Chunyu flatters me too much. It should be Luan Yi paying respects to the General first!" Luan Yi quickly stood up respectfully to pour another cup.

"Hey!" Yuan Shao chimed in right on cue, "Ziqi is in the wrong here! Zhongjian saved Ziqi twice. You should drain two cups in a row to make up for it."

Hearing this, Luan Yi broke out in a cold sweat. Ever since he sat down, seeing Yuan Shao and Cao Cao exchanging subtle glances, he had guessed those two rascals were up to no good. He pleaded bitterly, "Brother Mengde, Brother Benchu. I beg you both, be my dear brothers. Today I truly cannot drink anymore; if I drink any more, I really will be drunk. I beg my two brothers to spare me for now! Tomorrow, or the day after, we can have a proper drinking session. Any day except today is fine—we could drink for a month straight and it wouldn't be a problem. When the time comes, let alone two cups to General Chunyu, two entire jars will be fine. How about that?"

"A month?" Cao Cao chuckled, then suddenly turned serious. "Really?"

"A gentleman's word!" Luan Yi extended his right hand and slapped it against Cao Cao's. "Smack!"

"As fast as a whipping horse!" Cao Cao was fully satisfied. "Very well! Ziqi can go toast others now!"

"What's the rush? Let me eat a couple more bites!" Luan Yi grabbed his chopsticks and shoveled some food into his mouth. But his belly was entirely filled with wine, so how much could he possibly eat? He forced down a little food, went to the outhouse to force himself to throw up and "unload some cargo," then wobbled his way back into the courtyard. Leaning against the wall, he let out a long sigh: Getting married is truly not something meant for human beings; next time, even if beaten to death, I'll never get married again! "Next time?" Luan Yi couldn't help a low chuckle. He already had legitimate wives—where would a next time come from?

Having finished with the officials, it was time to toast the elders. The various aunts and female relatives were not seated at the main tables, but uncles and senior kinsmen were numerous.

Guided by his grandfather Luan Tao and his father, Luan Yi approached one unfamiliar relative after another, paying his respects to each in turn.

"This is your second grand-uncle's second son. You must call him Second Uncle!"

"Hello, Second Uncle!" Luan Yi mechanically directed the wine into his mouth.

Second Uncle was extremely emotional and couldn't help but deliver an acceptance speech: "Oh! Yi'er! What a success you've become! The last time I saw you, you were only this tall, and I even held you in my arms! Look at you now, grown up so tall. Incredible! Just a few years and you're already Tutor to the Heir Apparent? The first official in our old Luan clan!"

Before he could finish, Luan Tao corrected him, "Incorrect! Your younger brother Luan Miao was the first official! He became the Magistrate of Licheng first."

Whether it was his grandson or his son, either way, they were all Luan Tao's seed.

"Oh right! Almost forgot." Second Uncle nodded. "Yi'er is extraordinary! Which family has the Emperor ever personally officiated a wedding for? Never heard of it—only our Luan clan has ever enjoyed this treatment. Not to mention this treatment, how many people in Yingchuan have even laid eyes on the Emperor? Everyone in our Luan family has seen him. Bringing honor to our ancestors!"

"Indeed!" A crowd of clan members nodded repeatedly. "Our eldest uncle taught him well!"

"Our ancestors' spirits are manifesting!" "Indeed, indeed!"

Hearing so much praise, Luan Tao's aged face beamed with light, and he laughed incessantly. "Yi'er, why aren't you quickly toasting your Second Uncle? Once Second Uncle is done, there's your Third Grand-uncle's side."

"I have to toast them one by one?!" Luan Yi swallowed hard. He remembered that Luan Old Man's generation had four brothers in total, meaning besides Luan Old Man, there were three other grand-uncles, averaging at least two sons per grand-uncle—that made six uncles and cousins. On top of that, Luan Old Man's father, which was Luan Yi's great-grandfather, had five sons, each with their own branches stretching out endlessly!

Thinking of this, Luan Yi felt a splitting headache. "Can't we just batch them all together?"

"What do you mean by batch them all together?" Luan Tao was baffled.

"I mean toast them all in one breath?"

"Of course not!" Luan Tao said decisively.

Luan Yi whispered, "Grandfather! After the banquet, child has a major task to attend to! Aren't you in a hurry to hold a great-grandson?"

Luan Tao masked his laughter with a cough. "I'm still robust! I can afford to wait, it won't hurt to wait one more day." His eyes rolled as he spun his stance and said, "However, come to think of it, drinking harms the body, and too much alcohol serves no real purpose. As Yi'er suggested, let's just batch them all together!"

"Thank you for your consideration, Grandfather!" Luan Yi was overjoyed, thinking: If you want to hold a great-grandson just say so! You didn't have to go looking for such a high-sounding excuse.

Raising his cup, regardless of third grand-uncle or fourth uncle, he resolved them all in one go. Luan Yi let out a long sigh—at least the drinking part was finally over.

However, though he no longer needed to toast anyone, Luan Yi's work was still not finished. At this point, the wedding banquet had reached its conclusion, and as the groom, he still needed to stand at the entrance to bid farewell to the departing guests.

He bowed repeatedly like pounding garlic. Bending his waist placed a most uncomfortable strain on his wine-filled stomach.

Before leaving, Cao Cao deliberately lowered his head and reminded him, "Don't forget that month-long banquet!"

"I know!" Luan Yi rolled his eyes.

"Rising Phoenix Pavilion?"

"I didn't say it was Rising Phoenix Pavilion!" Luan Yi had kept an escape route ready. "There's a tavern if you turn left out the gate!"

"Not Rising Phoenix Pavilion?" Cao Cao walked away with his hands behind his back without a trace of disappointment. "In that case... Benchu, I think perhaps we should stay and闹洞房 (raid the bridal chamber). What do you say?"

"Splendid!" Yuan Shao swept his large sleeve, and seeing the crowd of young gallants preparing to head back into the courtyard,

Luan Yi was horrified, thinking it would be disastrous if this bunch raided his bridal chamber! With one hand he grabbed Cao Cao, and with the other he clamped onto Yuan Shao's armpit. "Two elder brothers, my brothers! I spoke wrongly—it is the Rising Phoenix Pavilion, the Rising Phoenix Pavilion!"

"That's more like it!" Cao Cao wore a smug look as he and Yuan Shao turned and walked out the door, followed by a train of followers. "Don't forget to prepare plenty of Immortal Brew when the time comes!"

Luan Yi felt as if he were spitting blood. A whole month at Rising Phoenix Pavilion, plus Immortal Brew—how much money would that cost him in lost profits?! He glared at Cao Cao's retreating back and muttered, "Fine Cao Mengde, you play hardball! Aren't you afraid of eating yourself to death!"