Chapter 162: I Have Wrestled with Myself for Long, I'd Rather Be Myself

Peach Baby looked at Shen Xian with hopeful eyes, anticipating his nod.

Shen Xian saw the deep yearning and even a hint of entreaty in her peach-blossom eyes.

He suddenly remembered that he had seen this kind of gaze before.

It was the exact same look many children in the orphanage gave when they hoped he would eat or study with them.

"Alright," Shen Xian nodded.

Hearing this, a spark of boundlessly joyful excitement lit up Peach Baby's eyes.

She was someone who was exceptionally easy to satisfy.

"The vegetable market is already closed by now, so let's go to the supermarket." Peach Baby looked at Shen Xian with bright, sparkling eyes, seeking his opinion.

"Okay," Shen Xian said.

Peach Baby immediately picked up the heavy coat Shen Xian had left on the chair and handed it to him. "It's cold outside. Keep warm and make sure you don't catch a cold."

Shen Xian took it and put the coat on.

Peach Baby looked Shen Xian up and down.

He really looked amazing in an overcoat.

Well, or rather, he looked amazing in anything.

The two left the theater troupe, walking side by side.

It was already five-thirty in the evening. Night fell exceptionally early, and the streetlights illuminated correspondingly early.

Walking side by side down the street, the two looked like a yellowed, vintage painting.

"Peach, do you have any dreams?" Shen Xian asked.

Peach Baby replied, "To enter the national team and carry forward Huangmei Opera."

She was currently on the city team, and there was still a very long way to go before she could become a national first-class actress.

"What about you? What's your dream?" Peach Baby asked in return.

Shen Xian raised his head to look into the distance.

Once upon a time, he had many dreams. In the beginning, he had planned to marry Lin Zhihai. After being hurt by Lin Zhihai, he thought that one day he would rise above the ordinary and be able to converse with the Lin family on equal terms.

Later on, his dream was to become a light that illuminated the path for others.

Later still, he had yet another dream: to find someone he loved and someone who loved him.

Yet, as it turned out, many, many of his dreams began to rot away.

Only the dream of becoming someone else's light remained.

After stumbling and colliding through the passage of time for so long, he discovered that this was the only dream—the one where he became the light—that had not yet decayed.

"My dream..."

"It is to contend with myself for a long time, and rather be myself."

Peach Baby froze. She abruptly turned her head to look at Shen Xian's profile.

The simplest meaning of this phrase was—to be oneself.

She found Shen Xian truly extraordinary; there was always a quality of compassionate melancholy about him, and his eyes were at times tranquil, at times profound.

Inside the supermarket, the two moved through the fresh meat section just like a couple.

"What do you like to eat?" Peach Baby asked.

"Anything," Shen Xian said. "I don't have any particular favorites, but anything is fine."

Peach Baby found this a bit tricky to handle and asked further, "Do you like spicy food?"

Shen Xian nodded. "I can eat spicy food."

Peach Baby's eyes instantly lit up. "That makes things much easier."

She bought a fish head, planning to make chopped pepper fish head, bought some chicken to make Kung Pao chicken, and picked up some green peppers and other ingredients.

While moving through the fruit section, Shen Xian's gaze landed on a durian.

He still remembered that Zhou Wan loved eating durian.

Thinking he liked it, Peach Baby hurriedly had a piece weighed and packed.

Do all girls like eating it?

Shen Xian gazed at the durian.

Peach Baby lived in a relocation residential community on Cross Street. The rent was very cheap—two bedrooms and a living room for only eight hundred yuan a month.

The apartment's interior decoration was very simple, but she kept it extremely clean and tidy.

Pink wallpaper adorned the walls, and a bunch of lilies sat on the coffee table in the living room, filling the space with fragrance.

Shen Xian changed into slippers and entered. Peach Baby said, "Have a seat, watch some TV, and eat some fruit."

She brought over a fruit platter, washed some cherries, and peeled the durian.

When she served the durian, Shen Xian keenly noticed that she was frowning and tilting her head away, as if trying to avoid its odor.

"Do you not like eating durian?" Shen Xian asked.

Peach Baby smiled and said, "I'm not really... used to eating it."

"Then why did you buy a durian?" Shen Xian asked.

Peach Baby answered, "I saw you keeping your eyes on the durian, so I thought you liked it."

Shen Xian smiled. "I'm not used to it either."

"Ah?" Peach Baby opened her eyes wide. "Then you should eat the cherries instead."

As she spoke, she whisked the durian away and tucked it into a kitchen cabinet.

The smell really wasn't pleasant.

"Your shoes are a bit dirty, let me clean them for you." Peach Baby casually picked up Shen Xian's leather shoes. "The troupe leader said, women are judged by their faces and men by their shoes. Someone as refined as you shouldn't have a single speck of dust on your shoes."

Shen Xian declined, "It's fine, I'll clean them myself when I get back later."

Smiling without a word, Peach Baby took Shen Xian's shoes into the bathroom, washed them, and placed them on the balcony to dry.

She cooked with impressive speed as well. Within an hour, she had prepared four dishes and a soup, along with a small saucer of Guizhou's classic dish, heartleaf houttuynia.

Shen Xian took a bite, and his brow furrowed in a way that was almost imperceptible.

Yet it was keenly caught by Peach Baby, who silently noted it down in her heart.

Brother Shen Xian doesn't like durian, and he doesn't like houttuynia.

Starting from this very night, Peach Baby never ate houttuynia again, even though she loved it very much.

"How old are you this year?" Shen Xian asked at the dining table.

"I'll be twenty-four after the Chinese New Year," Peach Baby raised her head. "Why do you ask?"

Shen Xian smiled. "Time to find a boyfriend. What kind of guys do you like? I can introduce some to you."

Hearing this, Peach Baby's heart suddenly panicked. "I... I..."

Seeing her reaction, Shen Xian smiled and said nothing, though inwardly he let out a silent sigh.

"Your cooking is good." Shen Xian changed the subject.

With a preoccupied mind, Peach Baby nodded. "Then... eat more."

It was past nine in the evening when they left Peach Baby's apartment. The weather had turned even colder, the frigid wind howling, and Shen Xian wrapped his overcoat tightly around himself.

Peach Baby walked Shen Xian out to the entrance of the community.

"Alright, it's cold outside. Head back, I can just hail a cab," Shen Xian said.

Looking at Shen Xian, Peach Baby suddenly handed over a scarf. It was hand-knitted and fluffy.

Clearly, she had spent many days and nights working on it.

"It's getting cold, this is for you." Peach Baby lowered her head, her voice very soft, not quite daring to meet Shen Xian's eyes—shy and flustered.

Shen Xian merely looked at her quietly without reaching out to take it.

In his heart, he was pondering how to tell her that he was not a qualified romantic partner.

He was selfish and sensitive, with flaws in his personality that easily caused others to get hurt.

Yet, could he be blamed for that?

Having grown up in an immensely harsh environment, he had already exerted every ounce of strength just to maintain his kindness and sincerity.

Before he could speak, Peach Baby mustered her courage, stood on tiptoe, and wrapped the scarf around Shen Xian's neck.

Under the lamplight, two rosy blushes bloomed on her fair, tender cheeks.

Her breath came out like orchid fragrance; the warm air she exhaled smelled lovely, yet it was also burning hot.

Suddenly, the two of them felt a chill on their faces.

Looking up, within the illumination of the streetlamp, countless colorful flecks drifted down like countless moths.

"It's snowing," Peach Baby said.

"Yeah, it's snowing." Shen Xian reached out a hand, and a single snowflake landed in his palm, melting rapidly.

Snow is wonderful; this way, we can grow old together in an instant.

Peach Baby stared dazedly at Shen Xian's face.

She so wanted to give him a kiss.