Chapter 31: Lu Li Does Not Die from Urban Legends (Bonus Update, Three Chapters, 760
Chapter 31: Lu Li Does Not Die from Urban Legends (Extra Update, Three Chapters Completed with 7,600 Words)
“It’s indeed absurd, but that’s the truth.”
Pan Shuai was at a loss for words. “God knows why that woman managed to trigger dozens of urban legends all at once! Everyone in our bureau was stunned when we found out!”
Normally, most urban legends aren’t that baffling.
As long as you don’t trigger them, these urban legends remain dormant and harmless.
If triggered, you just follow the steps to complete them, and you’re fine.
But the damn problem is that they can fail even without triggering!
Not only do you suffer misfortune yourself, but it can also ‘spread’ to others!
And that woman? She managed to trigger dozens of them simultaneously!
She’s truly a genius in the worst way!
Lu Li squinted with deadpan eyes and complained, “Isn’t she your girlfriend’s best friend?”
“We broke up already; she just keeps causing trouble for me,” Pan Shuai waved his hand. “Enough about me, this is mainly your problem now. Old Lu, you have to hold on! Otherwise, the brothers can only see you for the last time at the crematorium. Our city doesn’t have the habit of holding funerals with meals; we probably won’t even be able to send you off properly.”
Lu Li: “...”
“Can’t you just hope I get through this? And you’re still able to laugh.”
“I can’t even cry! Why can’t I laugh? It’s a bitter laugh out of helplessness, okay?” Pan Shuai patted Lu Li’s shoulder to comfort him. “But there’s good news. After an all-nighter, our bureau finally figured out the sequence in which these urban legends appear.”
He explained to Lu Li, “Generally speaking, urban legends don’t appear all at once. Even if one person triggers several simultaneously, there’s still an order to it—they queue up.”
“Who the hell knows how that woman managed to trigger dozens at the same time.”
As a state-owned enterprise with decades of history, their bureau had never seen anything like this.
They wanted to investigate, but unfortunately, that woman was already dead.
The autopsy was underway, but it probably wouldn’t reveal much.
“Alright, I get the gist of the situation,” Lu Li sighed and asked, “So, what’s the first urban legend?”
“That one—midnight peeling apples,” Pan Shuai, now on his third cigarette, said. “Actually, our cyber police work hard to delete posts about urban legends online, but there are just too many people with nothing better to do who enjoy courting death.”
Nearby, Hao Liang added, “Putting that aside, let’s get back to the midnight apple peeling. Usually, dormant urban legends require a reckless person to trigger them actively. But if triggered and failed, causing infection, the target can only passively endure it.”
“For example, the midnight apple peeling—if triggered actively, you’d have to buy an apple yourself, and if the timing is off, it won’t activate.”
“But now you’re in an infected state, Old Lu. Pay attention.”
“Based on our past data, between 9 and 10 p.m. tonight, a perfectly round apple will appear on your dining table. If you don’t handle this urban legend according to the rules, by midnight it counts as automatic failure—you’ll still be in trouble.”
“However, breaking the mirror at that time is also effective, but the next day the midnight apple peeling will trigger again, and the second urban legend will start as well. That means you’ll have to face two urban legends simultaneously.”
“So I have to peel the apple tonight? And I can’t even break the skin?” Lu Li confirmed.
“Exactly,” Pan Shuai nodded. “We came this time to take you to see a master chef. This expert has studied peeling techniques for over fifty years and once worked as a top chef for state banquets.”
“He’s especially skilled at peeling fruits and vegetables. Even the island country calls him the ‘Peeling Sage.’”
Lu Li: “...”
“‘Cooking Sage,’ ‘Sushi Sage’—those were already ridiculous, and now ‘Peeling Sage’?”
“If you hook up a lot, can you be called the ‘Hookup Sage’?”
“If you DIY a lot, maybe ‘Self-Pleasure Sage’ or ‘Self-Charging Sage’?”
“Forget it. Rushing last minute is useless; I have my own plan.”
Seeing Lu Li completely unbothered, the three of them relaxed yet grew curious. “What’s your plan?”
Pan Shuai suddenly realized, “Could it be that Old Lu is actually a hidden master-level chef?”
“Do you believe that yourself?” Lu Li dismissed him lazily. “Watch my move.”
He took out his phone and ordered something online, opting for same-city express delivery.
It would arrive in about half an hour.
Pan Shuai was puzzled. “Old Lu, what did you buy?”
Lu Li glanced at the three of them, smiled faintly, and said, “An internet-famous apple peeling gadget.”
Pan Shuai, Hao Liang, and Luo Hao: “???”
Four hours later, the four of them went out for a meal (with receipts, reimbursed by the Supernatural Bureau) and then bought two boxes of apples from the supermarket (also reimbursed).
By then, the apple peeling gadget had already arrived.
This gadget looked somewhat like a pencil sharpener.
Its base was plastic, with four suction cup feet underneath.
On top was a rotating tray, and on the other side, a crank handle resembling a pencil sharpener’s.
A peeler was fixed on the tray, and the crank’s other end was connected to three slender iron pins.
“Watch me operate.”
Lu Li took an apple, inserted its bottom horizontally onto the fixed pins, then quickly turned the crank.
In just about five seconds, the apple was peeled.
And the peel came off in one complete long strip, without a single break!
Lu Li turned back, held out his small hands, and smiled faintly without a word.
Pan Shuai, Hao Liang, and Luo Hao exchanged looks.
Suddenly, they felt intellectually crushed, then ashamed beyond words.
Especially with all the stuff next to Lu Li and his shrugging, innocent yet mocking expression—it was so damn taunting!
And it was silent mockery!
Though Lu Li said nothing, his expression and gesture seemed to say:
“That’s it?”
“I think your state enterprise is a bit outdated. Modern society needs modern thinking. What’s humanity’s greatest strength? Tools! And the ability to create and use them!”
Lu Li pressed his advantage and launched into relentless mockery. “Why don’t you write a complaint letter? I feel your leadership, while not exactly honest and clean, is basically just a figurehead.”
“Our firearms and bulletproof vests have undergone modernization and been integrated with supernatural abilities,” Pan Shuai’s rebuttal sounded rather shaky.
He wasn’t wrong, but they clearly focused too much on high-tech.
They hadn’t considered Lu Li’s simplified thinking.
“Alright, do what you need to do. Go back and figure out how to handle tomorrow’s urban legend.”
Lu Li returned to peeling apples. “I need to practice this afternoon. Let’s meet again tonight.”
The three nodded and said, “Take care tonight, Old Lu. We’ll check for new updates. See you tonight.”
“Bye.”
Lu Li didn’t look back.
He was already immersed in peeling apples.
That apple peeling gadget was surprisingly stress-relieving.
Time flew by, and it was now 11:55 p.m.
The four were alert and ready.
Their building had been fully evacuated; only the four were inside.
Outside, police and armed forces guarded the residential building.
Inside were Supernatural Bureau field agents on duty.
“Old Lu, you ready?”
Lu Li didn’t answer.
He silently sat at the dining table, facing the mirror standing there, and placed the perfectly round apple that had mysteriously appeared an hour ago onto the peeling gadget.
At 11:59 p.m., he turned back with a smile. “This slice carries fifty years of skill.”
With three seconds to midnight, he quickly cranked the handle.
Before Pan Shuai and the others could react or even comment on that line, he finished peeling.
The apple peel came off perfectly in one long strip.
The three were stunned.
That was incredibly fast!
At the stroke of midnight, Lu Li sat in his chair, staring blankly at the mirror.
Pan Shuai grew anxious. “Old Lu! What’s going on here?”
It should be a success, right?
He wanted to move the mirror away.
“Don’t move! I’m not done watching!” Lu Li waved him off. “This girl is quite pretty.”
Indeed, reflected in the mirror was a young woman.
Her features were sharply defined and deep, with milky white hair flowing to her waist. Her dreamy pink eyes locked onto Lu Li’s with effort.
She was a beauty no less than Miss Bai or Miss Luo!
Moreover, she wore a white traditional mourning outfit.
Lu Li admitted he was already thinking about getting a third marriage certificate.
Having endured this far, and finally finishing the chapter, he couldn’t hold on any longer—good night!
(End of Chapter)