Chapter 26: What the Hell in Every Sense of the Word

The next day, Lu Li returned to his handsome self, as if the decadent version of him from yesterday were an entirely different person.

With his crisp hairstyle, sharp and defined features, bright eyes, and a sleek, tailored indigo casual suit, his tall, athletic frame was perfectly accentuated. He sat by the floor-to-ceiling window of the café, just as he had before. Resting his chin in one hand, he stared blankly at the setting sun, the amber-tinted black of his irises reflecting the beauty of the twilight.

It seemed his blind date with Ms. Bai had been in this very café. He was likely sitting in this exact spot, too. Come to think of it, his blind date with Ms. Luo hadn't been nearly this formal. Was it? Or was it not? His memory felt a bit hazy. Ms. Luo’s overly familiar demeanor had made it feel as though they had skipped the courtship phase entirely.

Lu Li laughed at himself. Why was he still thinking about them? They belonged to entirely different worlds. A thousand years after his own death, given their long lifespans, any memory of him would surely be tossed into some forgotten corner. He knew he was only deceiving himself, but what else could he do?

"Excuse me, are you Lu Li? Sorry to have kept you waiting, I’m a friend of Xiao Ran’s."

Lu Li snapped back to reality, reflexively flashing a faint smile. "Not at all, I just arrived."

The young woman before him was indeed pretty. Her waist-length, slightly wavy hair was dyed a soft coffee brown, and she wore a Japanese-style pale yellow dress with exquisite makeup. While she didn't quite match the photograph he’d seen yesterday, the difference was negligible. Of course, she was still no match for Ms. Bai or Ms. Luo.

Lu Li began to drift off again, but he quickly reined himself in. "I heard you’re a colleague of Xiao Ran’s?" Xiao Ran was the "new bride" of Pan Shuai.

"Yes, Xiao Ran and I co-own a nail salon." She flicked the back of her hand, showing off five fingernails encrusted with rhinestones that glittered brilliantly.

The conversation that followed was the usual awkward small talk—people searching for things to say. Lu Li figured that since she was introduced by Pan Shuai’s girlfriend, Pan Shuai must have already disclosed his situation, so there was no need for any "scheming." He was tired of that. Overall, though, the chat was pleasant enough. Lu Li didn't intentionally distance himself, and she was good at keeping the conversation flowing; it was quite warm. He even considered asking her out again; if things went well, they might just settle down. Stability wasn't a bad thing.

But just as he was about to propose a second date, the girl spoke up. "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

"Oh, sure."

Lu Li picked up his coffee and took a sip, then frowned. He had never been able to get used to Starbucks. Personally, he preferred instant coffee; the only thing he found tolerable at Starbucks was the Frappuccino. But if he were going to have a Frappuccino, there were plenty of cheaper alternatives.

Fifteen minutes passed, and the girl hadn't returned. He checked his watch and frowned again. She couldn't have just walked out, could she? That would be ridiculous. He decided to wait another ten minutes.

About five minutes later, she returned. Lu Li looked up and froze. Was this... the same person? She was wearing the same clothes, but her waist-length, chestnut-colored wavy hair had become shoulder-length, and her hairline looked alarmingly sparse. Her skin was a sallow, jaundiced yellow, her under-eyes were dark, and her wide eyes had returned to a normal, smaller size, with more of the whites showing. Worse yet, her eyebrows were barely visible, as if they had been shaved off.

Lu Li’s brain processed this for three seconds before the realization hit him: The girl had taken off her makeup!

*What the hell?*

Was it that extreme? Was this makeup or a disguise? If not for her clothes and voice, Lu Li would have sworn it was a different person. Fortunately, his "what the hell" stayed inside his head. It was at least within his threshold of tolerance.

But the next moment, things got even more bizarre. The girl looked smug and gave a slight nod. "Sorry, this was actually just for my content. I don't have any intention of dating. By the way, remember to follow my channel, 'Makeup Ming'!"

Without waiting for a response, she walked over to another girl sitting alone, grabbed a DSLR camera from her bag, and walked out with her, looking completely unbothered.

Lu Li sat in silence for a minute before he finally snapped. "What the hell..." He was so angry he actually laughed. "So I’ve become content for a beauty vlogger?"

He finished his coffee and got up to leave. He didn't intend to tell Pan Shuai. It was too damn embarrassing! Of course, if this woman tried to blame him later, claiming the date failed because of him, he would have a few words to say.

"Damn it..." The city was full of traps; people were truly malicious. He had spent his days going on blind dates, only to end up crashing and burning. It was all karma.

Lu Li wandered home and searched for the account on a video site. It really existed! "Makeup Ming" had over 1.3 million followers, with each video getting between 300,000 to 500,000 views and thousands of shares. She was no small-time creator. The vlogger often posted tutorials on anime, game, or celebrity-inspired makeup, and she had recently teased a new series.

Lu Li raised an eyebrow, gave her a follow, and tossed his phone aside to cook some instant noodles. Once the noodles were ready, he opened his phone to find a video from a science-pop comedian to watch while he ate, but a notification popped up. He had a bad feeling. Could she really be this fast? Does she update this frequently? The editing couldn't be that quick, could it?

He pulled down the notification bar, and his vision went black. It really was an update from "Makeup Ming"!

Lu Li clicked on it. The more he watched, the darker his face grew, and his noodles no longer tasted like anything. In the video, she first introduced her "fresh, Japanese-style" makeup look, showing the result. Then, she announced she was going to pull a prank: go on a blind date, head to the restroom halfway through to remove her makeup, and then return to see the guy's reaction.

The guy's reaction? The guy was currently eating instant noodles, watching her video through gritted teeth! Seeing the screen filled with disgusting comments like "cheap loser," "greasy," and "idiot," Lu Li felt his blood boil. He didn't have her contact information, so he sent a private message via the platform's backend.

[It’s not really right to post this without blurring my face, is it? Did you get the other person’s consent?]

A while later, she actually replied. [I apologized, and I’m helping him get famous. He might even thank me for it later.]

"You have been blocked by Makeup Ming."

Lu Li: "..."

Apologized? Thank her? Lu Li laughed, but that was all he could do. Tomorrow, he would report this to the police and find a lawyer. That’s right; he was going to sue her.

After finishing his noodles and washing the bowl, Lu Li went to bed, gritting his teeth.

"Haha~ You guys have no idea what the look on that guy's face was like! Absolutely hilarious~"

In front of her computer, with a towel wrapped around her head and a face mask on, Ming was laughing hysterically at the camera. After livestreaming for a while, she checked the wall clock—it was already midnight. She smiled and said, "Alright, ladies, that’s it for today’s stream. I’ll see you tomorrow night at eight! Bye-bye~"

After ending the stream, she checked her analytics. The video from today had already hit 800,000 views, well above her average of 300,000. Her likes, coins, and shares were also significantly higher. Feeling good, she hummed a tune as she headed to the bathroom to remove her mask and wash up before bed.

As the hour, minute, and second hands all hit twelve, she stepped into the bathroom. Suddenly, the lights went out. In that split second before the dark took over, she caught a glimpse of something in the bathroom mirror.

Behind her, there seemed to be someone else.

"..."

Swallowing hard, Ming turned on her phone's flashlight. Then, she looked in the mirror and saw... behind her, there really was someone else.

Lu Li was jolted awake in his sleep by the constant pinging of notifications. Rubbing his bleary eyes, he grabbed his phone and checked the time. It was 1:30 AM. He pulled down the notification bar and stared at the endless stream of app alerts.

Lu Li unlocked his phone, then sat up abruptly, staring blankly at his home screen. The free dating app he had deleted had returned out of nowhere. And that wasn't all. Next to that app were all sorts of other dating apps! Lu Li swiped page after page, his expression turning increasingly grim. Counting them all up, there were at least thirty different dating apps on his phone!