Chapter 25: A Sense That Love Is No More

Chapter 25: A Sense of Being Unable to Love Again

Opening his eyes, he was greeted by the familiar ceiling. Lu Li lay on the bed, dazed for a while. Then, he pulled out his phone and scrolled mindlessly through various notifications. Raindrops splattered against the windowsill, accompanying the glow of the cigarette dangling from his lips. In a daze, the memories of being surrounded by women faded away like a dream upon waking. There were no traces of anyone else’s presence in the room, save for those two little red marriage certificates on the bedside table.

"I should have taken some photos together back then," Lu Li thought with a self-deprecating smile, crushing the half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand.

He got up and washed up. It had been a week since he had grown accustomed to skipping breakfast. Today was the weekend, so he didn’t have to go to the office. In the living room, Lu Li glanced out the window. The glass was obscured by a blur of rain. He brewed a cup of tea, prepared his cigarettes and ashtray, and lay half-reclined on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. He didn’t eat lunch, either. He flipped through food delivery apps, but he had already eaten everything available nearby. Anything further away would take an hour to arrive. Passing time this way, it was soon five in the afternoon.

His phone suddenly rang. The caller ID displayed "Young Master Pan." Lu Li answered casually, "Yeah?"

"Li, what are you doing?"

Lu Li yawned, "Just hanging around. What else is there to do on a weekend?"

"Want to meet up?"

"Who’s going?"

"You, me, Old Hao. Mule said he’d come over in a bit."

Lu Li thought for a moment. "Send me the location."

"Alright, hurry up."

Hanging up, Lu Li stood up and stretched. He touched his chin; he hadn't shaved, and his hair was a mess. But it didn't matter. He didn't wear a suit today either, opting for a white T-shirt, khaki shorts, and a pair of clogs before hopping onto his scooter.

When he arrived, the two friends were already drinking. Pan Shuai, with his slicked-back hair and fair skin, was the one who had called him. The other, dark-skinned, was Hao Liang. They had been high school classmates for thirteen or fourteen years.

As soon as he sat down, Lu Li raised an eyebrow. "How come it’s just the two of you today?"

"Ugh, Old Zhu is with his wife, and Nie just started seeing someone, so he’s all lovestruck. That guy wouldn't even answer the phone. Let's not talk about them."

Lu Li clinked his beer glass against theirs. "He’s seeing someone?"

"Yeah, just started. You didn't check social media?"

"No." Lu Li took a sip and laughed. "He used to say that even if he got a girlfriend, he wouldn't stop hanging out like Xiang did. Didn't expect him to eat his own words."

Their circle used to have ten people, and they had met up almost every week since graduation. But now, three had moved to the capital, mostly keeping in touch via WeChat except for holidays. Two others had gotten married and stopped coming out. Now, another one had left the group. It was only at times like these that Lu Li realized how fast time flew.

After a few rounds of drinks and food, Pan Shuai received a call. "When are you coming? ... Alright, I get it, go do your thing." He hung up and shrugged. "Mule is working overtime; he can't make it. Just the three of us today."

"Everyone's busy." Lu Li clinked glasses with him again.

Hao Liang, who had been silent, took a sip of his beer and sighed, "I actually wish I had overtime, but I don't have the chance. How much do you guys have in your accounts?"

"Over forty thousand, but I have five thousand in mortgage and car payments every month. That money was from my mom," Pan Shuai said.

"Over twenty thousand. I don't have a car payment, but the mortgage is six thousand a month. This money will only last me three months," Lu Li replied.

"I’ve only got sixteen hundred," Hao Liang sighed. "Our company is about to go under. If it does, I’ll have to find a new job immediately. I want to start my own thing, but this job just doesn't pay."

"Why don't you come work for my brother? I've told you before, but you won't go," Pan Shuai pouted.

"What would I do there? Different trades are like mountains between them." Hao Liang downed his beer, stood up, and pulled out his phone. "How much is it?"

They usually split the bill.

"Sixty. We can settle it later."

"Forget it. I told my wife I was working overtime. I'll transfer it to you and delete the record. Besides, I have to go home and change the baby's diaper." After transferring the money, Hao Liang waved and left on his electric bike.

"Tsk," Pan Shuai clicked his tongue and looked at Lu Li. "Old Lu, aren't you going to find someone?"

He didn't care; he was a minor second-generation rich kid with two older brothers and two older sisters. Being the youngest, his parents spoiled him. Although he had car and mortgage payments, he didn't actually need to use his own money. Plus, he was a player; although he was officially single, he never lacked female company.

Lu Li smiled without a word.

Pan Shuai sighed in frustration. "Your standards are really too damn high."

"No, it's just..." Lu Li sipped his drink, images of Ms. Bai and Ms. Luo flashing through his mind. "I feel like I might never be able to love again."

"..." Pan Shuai looked at him like he was an idiot. "You were born in '92! Your middle school years were fifteen years ago!"

Lu Li: "..."

There was absolutely no atmosphere left. He suddenly felt the beer in his mouth had lost its flavor, even though he had only intended to have a few glasses anyway.

"Just you wait." Pan Shuai pulled out his phone and made a call. "Hey? Honey, isn't your friend looking for a match? Send me a photo. No, my buddy is looking for someone too. Twenty-eight, 1.8 meters tall, owns a house and a car, handsome, parents are retired with pensions, healthy, no issues. Alright, hurry up."

Lu Li, sitting opposite him, was stunned. "Where the hell did you get a wife?"

"Every girl I'm seeing is my wife." Pan Shuai grinned. His phone pinged. He glanced at it, his eyes lit up, and he shoved the phone toward Lu Li. "Look! That face! That temperament! She's perfect for you!"

Lu Li couldn't be bothered. "I told you, I'm not looking for anyone. At least not for a while."

"Just look! Just one look!"

Pan Shuai shoved the phone in his face. Lu Li curled his lip and glanced at it casually.

*Hmm?*

*Hiss—*

That girl was actually quite pretty.

Seeing his reaction, Pan Shuai was delighted. "Alright, enough said. Tomorrow is Sunday. Shave, fix your hair, put on that sharp suit, and I'll send you the name of a cafe. Just go there and wait."

He stood up and sauntered off. "You're covering the bill tonight."

Watching his back, Lu Li pursed his lips, but ultimately said nothing. *Forget it, I'll just go meet her once. I've already deleted that free app anyway.*