Chapter Fifty-Five: Affection and Indifference

The world is fickle, and fortune and misfortune are unpredictable. Just a short while ago, I was speaking coldly to Li Yun, but now, I actually found myself worrying about her safety.

I increasingly felt that this world had become illusory, completely unlike the one I used to know. It had changed—everything had changed. Li Yun had changed, my classmates had changed, even my own family had changed, and I had changed as well.

The cold water splashing against my face helped me sober up significantly, making me realize at least that everything happening now was not a dream; it was real.

When I returned to the classroom, the other students cast strange glances at my way. I smiled back at them and walked to my seat. Right now, they probably all assumed that Chen Xiaoyao and I had gotten into a fight.

Back at his desk, Chen Xiaoyao was writing something in a black notebook.

"What are you writing?" I asked him. He frequently wrote in it, which had piqued my interest.

"Just some random reflections," he replied with a shrug.

There were still four classes left in the afternoon, and school would let out a little after five. As soon as the final bell rang, I ran straight to Li Yun’s house.

Just like last time, it was very quiet here, devoid of any commotion, save for the occasional chirping of birds from the trees surrounding the villa.

I pushed the door open and walked inside.

Only last night, Li Yun had appeared here, but I knew she wouldn't show up today because she was injured.

I had come here today not to search for her, but simply to take a look. In life, a person does many things, and not every single one of them requires a reason.

Since she was in this city yet avoided seeing me, she must have had her own reasons. When she wanted to see me, she would naturally appear.

After wandering around the place for a bit, I left.

As soon as I stepped outside, someone blocked the doorway.

It was Chen Xiaoyao. With his hands shoved into his pockets and standing on one leg, he was leaning against the front gate.

"Are you following me?" I narrowed my eyes and asked.

"I just happened to be passing by," Chen Xiaoyao said indifferently, as if answering something that had nothing whatsoever to do with him.

I glanced at him, then walked past him, saying, "I'm going to lock the door. Could you move aside a bit? You're leaning against the gate, so I can't close it!"

"How did you meet her?" Chen Xiaoyao took a few steps and asked after watching me close the door.

"She's a classmate of mine!" There was nothing to hide about this, and telling him would have no consequences.

Chen Xiaoyao smiled. "It seems I arrived too late, then."

He must have meant that he arrived at our class too late to meet Li Yun beforehand.

"A lot of people in class don't care for her," I remarked. In the past, many people in the class indeed disliked Li Yun because her behavior was far too uninhibited.

"What has that to do with me?"

Chen Xiaoyao’s mouth curved up slightly at one corner. The expression was one of disdain—whether he felt contempt for Li Yun's behavior or for the attitude of the classmates remained unclear.

I mirrored his gesture, curving the corners of my own mouth upward slightly. I was mocking myself; before truly understanding her, I had been just like many of my classmates, holding Li Yun in contempt. I had never experienced the loneliness of being ostracized by others, nor did I ever wish to.

Even knowing that people disliked this attitude toward life and that many held her in disdain, she still chose to present an unbridled facade to the world, sealing her truest feelings away within the toy dolls inside her room, only daring to release those emotions when she was entirely alone.

She was solitary, with no one to confide in, yet misunderstood by the world—and precisely unable to explain herself.

Just thinking about it felt tragic.

"Don't tell anyone that Li Yun is a ghost," I said to Chen Xiaoyao without turning my head.

Instead of answering me, Chen Xiaoyao asked, "Why? Do you like her?"

Hearing this question left me speechless. To say I held no feelings at all for Li Yun would be hypocritical. Yes, I liked Li Yun, but the one I loved was Huang Ying.

When you like someone, you think of them, but you never think about the future.

When you love someone, you constantly envision tomorrow.

That was the difference between how I felt about Li Yun and Huang Ying.

Do not call me fickle; every single person in the world is like this. Even if you love someone, you still secretly hope that others will like you—the more, the better. Even if you love someone, your heart will still flutter at the sight of another girl.

Liking can be shared, but love cannot.

I did not answer Chen Xiaoyao's question. Instead, he walked over to my side, patted my shoulder, and said, "Emotions are a very strange thing; no one can truly master them. It's much like the relationship between the flesh and the soul. However, unlike the soul, we can simply choose not to touch emotions at all."

He meant that I should avoid tangling with such feelings. I smiled and said, "No one can escape the control of emotions. Even if we refuse to touch them, they will still inadvertently reveal themselves in the end."

Emotions are not something we control; when the right person meets you at the right time, they naturally emerge. For Chen Xiaoyao to say such a thing meant he simply hadn't met the right person at the right time yet.

"A fateful beauty can bring disaster," Chen Xiaoyao sighed. "King You of Zhou is the best example of that."

"The world only sees the foolishness of King You of Zhou, but what I see is his infatuation!"

Without stopping, Chen Xiaoyao continued, "A true man standing in this world should bear his sword and hold his ground. How can he allow himself to be bound by the shackles of worldly emotions? If one possesses true strength, he can defy gods and Buddhas, disregard heaven and earth, transcend the six realms, and roam freely throughout the universe!"

The universe of time and space—Chen Xiaoyao certainly harbored grand ambitions.

"Without emotions, one is nothing more than a walking corpse. It takes thousands of cycles of reincarnation just to become human; do not deliberately conceal the emotions deep within your heart. Living as your true self is the only way not to have lived this life in vain."

Li Yun had suffered so much precisely because she had failed to release her most genuine feelings.

Chen Xiaoyao looked at me and said, "You remind me a lot of someone."

"Who?" Instead of standing still, he walked ahead of me, leaving his back to me as he said, "You don't know him, but the two of you would probably make great friends."

I smiled and took a different path back to my rented apartment.

The case regarding the corpse found in that hotel had already been solved. It was a case of domestic violence: a husband and wife had a dispute, and the wife ran away from home, renting a room at a hotel. Believing his wife was having an affair, the husband went to the hotel and beat her to death while she was on the phone.

Terrified that the crime would be exposed, the husband stayed at the hotel, carved a hole in the bathroom wall, and bought cement and tiles to seal the opening. He only checked out using his wife's ID card after the wall had completely dried.

I had also watched an interview video with a reporter; that man in the suit was merely a hotel employee, not the owner.

Originally, I thought the man in the suit was connected to the female corpse, but now it appeared he had nothing to do with her at all.

However, those two knocks he struck against the wall seemed very strange in retrospect. What on earth was he trying to accomplish with those blows, to the point of forcing a resentful spirit to fall silent immediately? There were two possibilities: intimidation or obliteration.

Regardless of which it was, his strength was definitely not to be underestimated.

When I took Huang Ying away, the look he gave her was somewhat unusual, though he made no move. It was very bizarre.

Then there was Chen Xiaoyao. I knew I was no match for Li Yun; despite her youth of barely over a decade, her unique state made her far stronger than ordinary people. Yet according to Chen Xiaoyao, he had been on the verge of eliminating Li Yun before someone stepped in and rescued her at the very last moment.

From my conversation with Chen Xiaoyao just now, it was clear that he was someone who disregarded emotions and pursued only power. While such a person was formidable, his perspective showed that his way of thinking lacked a certain dimension. People of this type could sometimes be terrifying, yet they were also the easiest to persuade.

Lost in these thoughts, I inadvertently arrived downstairs at the rented apartment. I raised my head, looked up at the second floor, and smiled.

This was the difference between love and liking—much like entering a room, whether you merely like taking that step or truly love taking it!

Upon entering the room, the very first thing I did was give Huang Ying a hug. I desperately wanted to kiss her, but was powerless to do so.

During the embrace, I silently added another task to my list: finding a way to give Huang Ying a physical form.

There was currently one known method, which was corpse oil. However, corpse oil caused immense harm to Huang Ying, so I would rather be beaten to death than ever use that method.

After the hug, I let go of Huang Ying and said, "You know what? I missed you to death today!"

Then I flashed a look that practically begged to take advantage of her.

Seeing this, Huang Ying immediately retreated a few steps and said, "Dinner is ready!"

I walked in, sat down on the sofa, and said, "Let's hold off on eating for a second. Come here!"

At the same time, I beckoned to her with my hand.

She shook her head, watching me and refusing to come over.

"Come here, I won't do anything to you!"

When she still refused to budge, I simply stood up, wrapped an arm around her waist, leaned backward, and sat back down on the sofa, pulling Huang Ying so that she fell against my chest.