Chapter 56

"Ha, Xu Muzhou kissed you?"

Yang Bingbing slammed her pen down onto the desk, causing Xu Xieyi’s pen tip to veer off course. Xu Xieyi stopped writing.

The previous night, Yang Bingbing had called to invite her over to tackle their winter break homework together. The living room was spacious, and the two girls were hunched over a cleared-off dining table writing.

Xu Xieyi blushed slightly and murmured, "Yeah..."

"Whoa! These guys, zero self-control whatsoever."

Yang Bingbing put her hands on her hips in mild indignation, then shifted her gaze over to Xu Xieyi. "So, how did it feel? Are you guys official?"

Xu Xieyi buried her head to finish spelling a few English vocabulary words, slowly stopped writing, and shook her head.

"A shake of the head? What’s that supposed to mean?"

Xu Xieyi remained silent for a few seconds.

"...Bingbing."

"Hmm?"

"I..."

Yang Bingbing had been wearing a playful grin, but seeing the blank expression on her best friend's face, she turned slightly more serious.

Xu Xieyi bit her lip. "He kissed my cheek, but I was actually really calm. My heart didn't race at all... and yet, I clearly had a crush on him before."

"Huh?"

Yang Bingbing looked slightly surprised, then laughed, acting as though it were the most unremarkable thing in the world. "That’s completely normal."

This left Xu Xieyi rather bewildered.

Following the arrival of spring, temperatures were higher than in previous years. Sunlight streamed through the balcony doors, casting a refractive glow into the living room and illuminating the youthful profiles of the two girls.

"It’s simple. It just means you aren't that into him."

Yang Bingbing flipped a page of her test paper—still completely blank—frowned, pulled Xu Xieyi's paper over, and resumed copying. She had plenty of romantic experience, having dated more than one boyfriend back in middle school, and all of them were slightly older than her. In matters of the heart, she was completely at a teacher level compared to Xu Xieyi.

As she copied, she expounded sagely: "When I first started dating, I was just like that—unbelievably pure and innocent. Every day I’d fantasize endlessly and intoxicate myself, but honestly, it was total self-delusion! It had nothing to do with who the other person actually was. In fact, every time we hung out together, I’d find all sorts of things wrong with him. He was too short, too thin, his table manners were ugly... I just felt disappointed in every possible way. Actually, back then, there was a guy I admired much more, but I had terrible self-esteem. I felt I wasn't good enough for him and didn't even dare to dream about it, so I just ended up dating a guy who was easy to catch with a little effort."

Xu Xieyi thought about it and felt a glimmer of resonance. She was the same way. In the past, when she wasn't close to Xu Muzhou, she cared more about him. But once she actually got close to him, she realized he wasn't what she had imagined. Truth be told, she didn't even like boys with wheat-toned skin; she liked... someone a bit fairer.

"Let me tell you, Xuxu," Yang Bingbing said earnestly, "Every girl has a dark horse prince living in her heart, but most girls don't have the courage to pursue him, nor the fortune to attain such a handsome guy. So they just settle for someone matching their level, someone suitable, even if they don't love them all that much. Getting along is smooth, but it's just bland, lacking that thrilling jolt of true romance."

She nudged Xu Xieyi’s arm with her elbow. "Get it?"

Naturally, the person being asked did not get it at all.

To someone like Xu Xieyi, who had only ever heard about pigs running without ever tasting pork, this long chain of romantic "truths" left her somewhat dazed.

After all, life in the county town was much simpler than in a big city, and the middle school in Zean wasn't large either. The experimental classes were strictly managed, and practically no one dated. In this arena, she was undoubtedly a few steps behind Yang Bingbing.

So she shook her head.

Yang Bingbing wore an expression of profound exasperation:

"Let me put it this way: you don't actually love Xu Muzhou; you're just captivated by the *feeling* of being in love."

"That little flutter you feel for Xu Muzhou isn't love at all. It's just a tiny spark, like pseudo-myopia—it’s not the real deal."

"You've just hit puberty and your hormones are awakening!"

She reached out with her index finger and poked Xu Xieyi in the chest. "An internal hormone explosion, a primal craving."

"You... stop talking nonsense. What hormones?" Xu Xieyi's face flushed. Hormones and things like that sounded so vulgar...

Yang Bingbing burst into laughter. Sometimes she found teasing her desk mate immensely entertaining.

"What's there to be embarrassed about?" she said. "Xuxu, one day you'll meet a man who makes you dream of him even in your sleep. When he touches you, your whole body will go numb. If he kisses you, you'll want to die right then and there in his arms. That feeling is super magical—that's what being truly into someone is."

Xu Xieyi’s eyelashes trembled. In an instant, a pair of eyes printed themselves into her mind.

Her heart swayed violently.

She hastily lowered her head, her face burning hot, and her handwriting became erratic. Her entire mind was filled with the shadow of that single person...

Busy copying test answers, Yang Bingbing failed to notice Xu Xieyi’s abnormal behavior.

After a few minutes, gripping a gel pen, Xu Xieyi glanced at her and asked in a low whisper, "Bingbing... what do you think love actually is?"

"A drug," the person beside her replied without raising her head, rapidly copying a major essay question. "It feels amazing when you're hooked, and dying is better than living when you're craving it."

Xu Xieyi furrowed her brows, lowering her gaze as her fingers slowly curled inward.

Yang Bingbing offered a somewhat mischievous smile and leaned close to her friend's ear. "To put it shortly: absolute ecstasy!"

That phrase was truly a bit too suggestive, making Xu Xieyi's face burn so much she couldn't keep talking to her.

She buried her head back in her homework.

The living room was filled with the faint rustling sounds of two girls writing on their test papers. Yang Bingbing continued to chatter off and on, recounting her own rich romantic history.

After writing for a while, Xu Xieyi paused and looked toward the wisteria vines swaying in the sunlight on the balcony.

Her fingers clutched the pen, her gaze tinged with sorrow and a slight daze.

The air seemed to phantomly project the image of Lin Sheng waiting for her in the sunlight.

Thinking back to when she first met Lin Sheng in her childhood, she was only eight years old. She had simply looked up to him as a grown-up, an older brother, thinking he was endlessly, breathtakingly handsome. She hadn't even dared to make eye contact with him.

That lean, handsome youth would often lean against a wall covered in Boston ivy to smoke, or plug in his earphones to listen to music.

His short-sleeved white shirt was dazzlingly clean in the sunlight; his arms were fair, and his thick eyelashes cast two rows of shadows.

He would tilt his head back to exhale smoke, quiet and somewhat aloof.

He spoke fluent Mandarin, carried himself with great breeding, treated her to KFC, and held her hand when crossing the street. He made people feel safe.

There were plenty of older girls who liked him.

She would hear stories about him from those girls and look up to him with them in ignorant wonder.

It seemed that ever since then, she had already placed herself in the dust, looking up at Lin Sheng from afar...

Deeply aware of the distance between them.

How absurd.

As she grew up, she had fallen in love with him too...

Yet now, she was merely a teenager in high school...

What would Godmother and the others think? Her mother and father would surely be furious and shocked.

She silently digested the agony and shame.

Then she forced herself to concentrate and returned to her test papers.

***

During the New Year holidays, the veteran cadres' residential compound was decorated traditionally in vibrant crimson.

Lin Sheng sat on a wooden sofa in the living room. Beside him, Lin Zhenguo leaned heavily on a walking cane, his expression stern. Hu Xiuxian watched from the side to prevent any explosive conflict between grandfather and grandson, especially considering the old man had only been discharged from the hospital a few days prior.

The silence lingered for a long time.

Lin Zhenguo reined in his temper, his aged eyes slowly drifting over toward his grandson as he asked, "What day are you leaving?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"The day after tomorrow?"

Lin Sheng didn't raise his head, his tone flat. "Yeah."

Lin Zhenguo glared at his grandson's icy, unyielding demeanor, a surge of anger rising within him. Suppressing his temper, he demanded, "What's wrong with Jiaojiao? Her family background, her looks, her personality—in what way is she not outstanding? She's held true feelings for you all these years, yet you couldn't even give her an ounce of face, leaving me unable to step down in front of Old Guan!"

Lin Sheng remained silent.

Hu Xiuxian patted her husband's back, soothing him. "Why are you getting so worked up? Do you think you're still a young man? Don't you want your heart anymore?"

"It's because these unfilial descendants make me so angry." Lin Zhenguo let out a heavy breath, took a sip of strong tea from an old-fashioned porcelain mug, and slammed it down onto the coffee table. "Say something!"

Lin Sheng lifted his eyelids. "Take care of your health."

"If you want me to live a few more years, then settle down and get married!" Lin Zhenguo struck the floor with his cane.

"I don't like her."

"You're still talking about 'liking'?" The old man was furious. "You won't marry the ones you don't like, and you won't marry the ones you do—what do you want? Treating relationships like a game, playing the rogue for the rest of your life?!"

Lin Zhenguo stood up, paced the living room with his cane, and pointed his stick at Lin Sheng. "Look at you. You're turning twenty-eight soon, and before you know it, you'll be thirty, yet you still haven't the slightest intention of settling down. A real man should establish a career and a family; floating around outside all the time—what kind of life is that?"

After all, he was well past seventy, and whenever he got angry, his breathing trembled.

Hu Xiuxian hurried to calm her husband, turning back to say, "If you don't want your grandfather to end up back in the hospital, speak less of that rebellious nonsense."

Lin Sheng blinked his eyelids, exhaled a breath through his nose, reached for a cigarette from the coffee table, lit it, and listened in silence.

The elderly couple supported each other and sat back down on the sofa.

In the tense atmosphere, none of the four spoke.

Their grandson was thoroughly heartless.

Years ago, the old couple had secretly investigated; among the girls he dated, there were quite a few good ones, and they had simply been waiting for him to bring one home to meet the family.

Yet without exception, they all broke up after a short time. Not a single relationship lasted.

Ever since Lin Sheng was a child, the old man had believed that a real man shouldn't grow up looking this handsome—having appearance that striking was truly no blessing. Surface-level charm made it hard to achieve greatness.

Most handsome men were mediocre or wandering playboys. He held the utmost contempt for such superficial, empty vessels.

Therefore, his discipline toward Lin Sheng was strict beyond strict. The family line was thin with only one grandson, and he absolutely could not be allowed to fail.

Moreover, Lin Zhenguo held a high rank, with countless eyes watching him. By nature, he was fiercely proud and would never allow himself to become the laughingstock of others.

Fortunately, Lin Sheng lived up to expectations—genuinely brilliant and clever. Despite his striking looks, he possessed an exceptional capacity for hardship, and his conduct lacked any hint of effeminacy.

Yet for all his perfection, that cold and haughty detachment of his was a genuine headache.

His romantic life was an absolute mess.

Seeing the sons and grandsons of his colleagues and friends peacefully marrying and having children, his own grandson not only lacked any such thoughts, but grew increasingly rebellious and untethered.

Approaching thirty, he showed not the slightest inclination toward romance or marriage.

The elderly couple was understandably anxious.

The Lin family was not one for endless squabbling; action always spoke louder than words.

In the end, Lin Zhenguo simply stated, "The condition under which you were allowed to go abroad back then was that you marry before turning twenty-eight. You'd better weigh this carefully. Military orders are like mountains; though you're no longer in the military, you've heard enough since childhood not to need me to repeat myself! Suit yourself!"

With a heavy huff, he strode into the study and slammed the door shut, the force of it making Hu Xiuxian shudder slightly in the living room.

Advanced in age, her hair had turned gray save for the roots, and she let out a long sigh. Staring at her grandson for a long moment, her tone softened slightly: "Tell me... do you have another woman outside?"