Chapter 53

Lin Sheng drove, watching Xu Xieyi by the roadside through the rearview mirror.

That figure grew slimmer and slimmer.

Until it vanished.

He looked ahead, his gaze icy. Upon closer inspection, it did not seem like coldness, but rather a habitual emptiness.

After a moment, a faint sigh escaped inside the car.

He would not play with her.

Nor was it possible for her to walk all the way down this path with him.

A foreseeable future with absolute zero hope.

It was better to nip it in the bud right here.

And her calmness and retreat were both correct. Discarding him to choose that young man was a rational decision.

Lin Sheng lowered his head in silent self-mockery.

Only, he had never imagined before that he would one day be abandoned by someone.

His phone suddenly lit up. He glanced at it and answered via the Bluetooth headset.

"Yeah."

"Got it."

"I'll be there soon."

After a few brief words, the call hung up. Lin Sheng made a U-turn and headed toward the veteran cadres' residential compound.

Along the way, the passing streetscapes were festive and vibrant, brimming with reunion cheer.

Only his heart remained utterly cold.

--

On New Year's Eve, fireworks were forbidden in the city. It was very quiet.

For the Xu family of three, celebrating the New Year held nothing special.

Drifting away from home, how could they be in any mood to celebrate?

The mother and daughter cooked a relatively lavish New Year's Eve dinner together, watched television for a while, and then retreated to their respective rooms to rest.

Turning on her desk lamp, Xu Xieyi read for a while at her study table.

Then, uncontrollably, her mind drifted to Lin Sheng.

At the dinner table.

When he looked toward her—his thin cheeks, deep dark pupils, and straight, dense eyelashes...

She violently shook her head, trying to concentrate. Letting her mind wander was wrong; she ought to be studying.

Yet before she had even finished reading two paragraphs, her attention began to scatter again.

"How could this be..."

She cupped her face in her hands.

She could study diligently even when she was with Xu Muzhou. Why was it that Brother Lin proved impossible?

Her heart remained so restless.

Only when she heard the faint breathing of her parents in the neighboring room did Xu Xieyi suddenly snap back to reality from her indulgence.

She ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face.

Raising her head, she panted softly, looking at herself in the mirror—droplets clinging to her face, stray strands of hair clinging wetly to her forehead.

Returning to the study table once more, she felt somewhat better, and her focus gradually centralized.

She read for a short while when her phone suddenly vibrated, giving her a start.

"Xu Muzhou?"

Quietly closing her bedroom door, Xu Xieyi opened the window and spoke in a very low voice: "Hello. Is something the matter?"

"Xu Xieyi," Xu Muzhou called out her name.

"Yeah."

"Why is your voice so quiet?"

"My mom and dad are asleep."

"Oh."

Xu Muzhou sat inside his car with the engine killed, gazing at a few high-rise residential buildings near the construction site outside. Newly built, the surrounding facilities were still under repair, presenting a chaotic mass under the night sky.

"Do you live in Nanhua Residential Complex?"

"Yeah... It seems to be called that."

This guesthouse-style hotel was a converted apartment within the residential complex. Looking down from the windowsill, Xu Xieyi saw the twenty-something-story high-rise flanked by a green-netted construction site that was only half-finished. Fortunately, construction had halted for the New Year holiday, sparing her from the noise.

"What's wrong? Why ask that?"

Xu Muzhou got out of the car, leaned against the door, and looked up at the high-rises. Most windows were pitch black, with only a scattered few emitting light.

The corners of his lips curved: "Come downstairs."

-

After bumping into each other at lunch, Xu Muzhou had asked her on QQ during the afternoon where she was staying. Xu Xieyi had simply mentioned the name of the complex, never expecting him to actually race over in the dead of night.

Stuffed with a belly full of questions, Xu Xieyi threw on a coat and slipped out quietly.

The night air was bitterly cold. Parts of the complex were still under construction, with sparse landscaping and discarded building materials piled everywhere.

Just ten or twenty meters away at the base of the building, a black sedan was parked.

She looked warily at the license plate before someone stepped out from inside.

"Stop staring, silly girl. It's me."

The young man emerged from the shadows with a smile. With both hands tucked into his jeans pockets, wearing a pair of jeans and a black down jacket with the zipper undone, he was dressed quite thinly underneath.

"Xu Muzhou."

Xu Xieyi trotted over. "Why did you come?"

"What, don't want to see me?"

Xu Xieyi lifted her eyelids slightly, frequently feeling that some of the things he said, or his tone, bore a resemblance to what she had heard from Lin Sheng.

Not knowing how to reply, she brushed away a strand of hair blown across her lips by the wind: "It's New Year's Eve tonight. Don't you need to keep your parents company?"

"There are too many relatives at home, and it's lively enough without me; I won't be missed. I'll go back in a little while."

The two stood in silence for a few seconds. Xu Muzhou glanced toward a newly paved pedestrian walkway illuminated by streetlights in the distance. "Walk with me for a bit. I have to go home in half an hour."

Xu Xieyi noticed the car behind him. "Did you drive here?"

"Yeah."

Seeing her look of astonishment, Xu Muzhou smiled. "I'm not driving without a license; I have my driver's license."

"High school students can take the test?"

"You just need to turn eighteen. Did you forget I'm a year older than you?"

They strolled slowly along the road together.

In the past, Xu Xieyi hadn't understood Xu Muzhou well, thinking he seemed somewhat aloof. But upon truly interacting with him, she discovered that it had all been her own wild imagination.

The real Xu Muzhou was very different from what she had pictured.

He was upright, sunny, and occasionally, just like her, a bit rigid and conventional.

Yet he was very steady, with no malicious intentions.

Xu Xieyi was rather quiet, and the two didn't speak much when they were together. Xu Muzhou looked at her for a moment. "Xu Xieyi. We haven't seen each other for so long since the break started; did you miss me?"

This topic made Xu Xieyi tense up slightly. "Um... Didn't we agree to think about these things only after the college entrance examination..."

Xu Muzhou smiled.

"Then after the college entrance exams, will you be with me?" He halted his steps. "It seems I can no longer help starting to like you."

Xu Xieyi looked somewhat taken aback. "But didn't we agree earlier to focus on our studies first?"

Xu Muzhou sighed helplessly. "Silly, how can you control love when it arrives?"

Under the streetlight, the young girl's cheeks were flushed red from the wind, making her look quite cold. Xu Muzhou glanced at her. "Come here."

"Huh?"

As she stood there blankly, Xu Muzhou stepped forward, unzipped his down jacket, and wrapped it straight around her. Startled, Xu Xieyi found herself entirely enveloped in an unfamiliar embrace.

She shrank into a defensive ball, opening her eyes wide as she looked at him: "Xu-Xu-Xu Muzhou!"

The young man let out a scoff.

"What are you afraid of? I'm not... going to do anything..."

Xu Muzhou's voice trailed lower. He hadn't planned on doing anything, but after all, he was only a teenager, and seeing the girl he liked, his willpower was bound to be less than stellar.

His gaze flickered as he slowly lowered his head.

Terrified, Xu Xieyi covered her face with her hands.

Xu Muzhou paused. Xu Xieyi gradually relaxed her hands from her face, revealing her eyes. The two stared at each other from a very close distance.

"You don't want me to kiss you?"

"I—"

"Xu Xieyi, do you like me?" Xu Muzhou looked at her earnestly, his face flushing slightly as well. "Did you miss me...?"

Faced with such a direct, almost accusatory inquiry, Xu Xieyi felt somewhat flustered. "I... I haven't thought about that much yet."

Xu Muzhou smiled helplessly. "Silly, love doesn't require thinking."

He looked straight into her eyes: "It isn't governed by reason, nor is it kept in check. If you liked me, you wouldn't be able to wait until after the college entrance exams. You would find yourself missing me uncontrollably, do you understand?"

Uncontrolled by... reason.

Missing him.

In an instant, Xu Xieyi froze.

Not far behind the young teenagers, a black Porsche had silently trailed them for a stretch of road, parked beneath a streetlight.

Lin Sheng glanced over at that spot.

The youthful boy and girl were hugging, hidden beneath the boy's black down jacket—they were likely kissing.

The dashboard emitted a faint, clicking rhythm of a turning indicator. Lin Sheng lowered his eyelashes, realizing only then that he had forgotten to turn it off the entire way.

After turning it off, the sound ceased. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard display: it was approaching midnight.

New Year's was arriving immediately.

His lowered eyelashes cast shadows that concealed his pupils in the dim light.

He gave a light smile.

Then, without looking back at that scene, he shifted gears and turned around.

Just like when he had arrived, he departed quietly.

The wind was freezing, but the young man's body heat transferred across the thin fabric of his clothes. Xu Xieyi hardly dared to breathe loudly.

"Xu Xieyi, let me kiss you, alright?" Xu Muzhou's voice was hoarse.

Their noses were on the verge of touching.

Panic and fear gripped Xu Xieyi's heart. As Xu Muzhou closed his eyes and leaned down in that instant, she averted her face.

A soft sensation landed on her cheek.

—Unfamiliar.

The contact lasted only a second before parting. Xu Muzhou's cheeks flushed slightly red, revealing his own shyness.

After two seconds, Xu Xieyi raised her face to look at him, her expression a mix of bewilderment and scrutiny.

"Sorry, I... I didn't frighten you just now, did I?" Xu Muzhou scratched the back of his head, barely able to contain his overflowing joy. "I'll walk you back; get to sleep early."

Stunned for a beat, Xu Xieyi nodded.

Parting ways at the building entrance, Xu Xieyi watched over her shoulder as Xu Muzhou scrambled back into his car.

It must have been his father's car. It was evident he had just obtained his license, driving with cautious stiffness.

He drove away swiftly.

Xu Xieyi turned around and pressed the elevator button to go upstairs.

Yet her mind replayed the moments just now—Xu Muzhou embracing her and kissing her cheek.

At that very moment, she had been remarkably calm. Calm to the point that she found it unbelievable.

There had been no heartbeat.

Distinctly, there was none. Even a trace of disappointment had lingered.

Back when she harbored a distant secret crush, that feeling had clearly existed. Yet once he truly embraced her and kissed her cheek, in that close proximity which should have been romantic, that quickening of the heart... had vanished.

Xu Xieyi looked blankly at her own reflection in the elevator walls.

She was not a good girl.

She was very bad.

Just as Fu Xiaoyin had said, her heart had strayed to more than one male. Toward Xu Muzhou, and also toward... Brother Lin...

Until tonight, she had assumed all such palpitations were the same.

Yet, as it turned out, they were different...

While Xu Muzhou was kissing her, she had actually... thought of Lin Sheng. Wondering if he kissed the same way. Even feeling a tiny flicker of longing...

Xu Xieyi squatted down, burying her face in her arms.

Oh God...

She had truly gone mad.

-

That night, Xu Xieyi hid beneath her quilt, shedding silent tears.

Her heart was filled with confusion.

Xu Muzhou was the most suitable choice—cheerful, upright, and steadfast. Being with him would surely be wonderful, and he himself was wonderful. He was, in the long run, the one she had deemed most appropriate.

Yet...